Life Begins Again in the Summer

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald

You know what stinks? Anxiety.

And I'm not talking about common anxiety, anxiety that makes you nervous before a test or that causes you to say a prayer before you set off to travel. That stinks too.

I'm talking about Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

This is the kind of anxiety that can call your life to a screeching halt, cause your body to ache from head to toe, prevent you from doing anything, from driving to work to going to the concert you've been looking forward to for months.

I am someone who has been dealing with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder since my sophomore year of college, the year 2000 (I know what some of you are thinking...oh! I was born that year! Awesome.). My anxiety came along after one of my best friends died at the hand of a drunk driver, and I found out that my family was falling apart. It was a lot to deal with, and I didn't know there were options. So I suffered quietly. I didn't go to the Backstreet Boys concert, because I was convinced I would die on the interstate. I started bailing on plans right and left, unable to explain to anyone that my whole body was telling me to stay home. I started ending friendships because I didn't know how to deal with confrontation.

This went on for YEARS. For twelve years, to be exact. It wasn't all bad; some really amazing things happened during that time, and I could deal with them decently. And then life took another dreadful turn, and I was broken. And that's when I found my options, and I started to put in the work. And it was hard work. I still work on it every day.

Once in a while, life seems too difficult to bear. Work gets overwhelming, my children are so needy, I want to be everything to everyone. And there's no time to write.

But one thing I've learned about myself is that I must balance my life. I must work. I must love my students. I must be there for my family. I must go to church. I must go outside every day. I must find time to work out my body. I must cook fresh meals. I must kiss my children. I must go on dates with my husband. I must read every day. I must write.

And so, as dear Nick Carraway once said, life begins anew in the summer.

Sure, it's going to be hot. And it's going to be busy. I have vacation plans, the kids have camps, I have tutoring.

But I'm making some goals for myself.

I will take care of myself. I will not overcommit, even if I want to. And I will want to.

I will finish Reliance. Draft One, at least.

I will send Sweet Divinity to independent publishers.

I will begin the sequel.

I will live each moment.

Here's to the summer of 2018...it's going to be inspiring!



*If you suffer from anxiety and don't know what your options are, please reach out to your doctor and ask.  For me, this was the best thing I've ever done for myself.