I like to think that I'm good with change. I love traveling and imagining myself living in my destination. I'm infamous for calling my husband from, say, Dallas, and announcing, "Pack your bags! We're moving!" I enjoy looking at real estate listings and envisioning where I would put our furniture if we bought each house. Rearranging furniture is my jam, and man-oh-man do I love purging and reorganizing the pantry!
But I'm also a sucker for steadiness. Every summer, without fail, I reorganize my library. The fiction titles are alphabetized, and the nonfiction books are arranged according to the Dewey Decimal System. When I go home to Georgia, it makes my heart ache to see that my room, once covered with my friends' signatures on every wall and ceiling surface, has been repainted. And when I drive past a well known forest to find the trees cleared, I tear up.
Yet I am currently making some big changes in my life. I just began a new career, one I never anticipated, but one to which I believe I've been led. It meant many heartbreaking farewells, including farewell to a career I loved so completely, the only career besides writing that I ever envisioned for myself. Still, my first days in my new venture have confirmed that when I made the change, I was right. Emerson once wrote, "Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events" ("Self-Reliance"). I have been sitting quietly for months, listening. And here I am. It's no surprise to me that the day I made the decision to change is the same day I found out that Sweet Divinity is now entering the editing process at its publisher. This is the beginning of a new era.
So naturally I needed to make more tangible changes to match the changes inside of me. I've been practicing yoga every morning (and I bought an essential oil diffuser which has added even more sensory experience to my practice), and I created a dedicated writing space.
Our family playroom has been a disaster for months. It wasn't even usable space anymore. The room was crammed full of toys, discarded souvenirs, and furniture that didn't seem to fit anywhere else in the house. Also, for months I've been longing for a dedicated writing space. It's been too hot to write outside on the back porch, and having a four-year old in the house doesn't allow for much privacy. Yesterday I found my husband cleaning the playroom and, within twenty-four hours, I had my own space.
The desk at which I write was originally part of my mother's bedroom set. It's late '60s/early'70s green and off-white, with a green vinyl cushioned stool for a seat. When I was growing up, the desk and seat served my grandmother in her sewing endeavors. On this desk she made all of my theatre costumes, summer dresses, and even a formal dress for my senior Sweetheart Dance. Its central drawer contains literary finger puppets of Virginia Woolf and Zora Neale Hurston, cards printed with inspiring quotes, and your typical desk necessities. Another drawer holds a notepad, post-its, index cards (because I LOVE writing on index cards!), and daily checklists and planning sheets. The middle drawer contains my stationary--because I refuse to let the handwritten letter die--not on my watch! Finally, the bottom drawer holds mementos--mostly artwork created by my kids, but also my Hamilton playbook and Disney Magic Bands.
The top of the desk and the area surrounding it are decorated with items that inspire me. In addition to the photos and art pieces I've already written about on the blog or on social media are a candle scented to evoke Edgar Allan Poe, a Jane Austen prayer candle, a mug from the Library of Congress, working notebooks for my ghostwriting project, and whale bookends that I've stolen from my son because he can't yet appreciate Moby-Dick (yes, I know Moby Dick was a white whale). In future days I'll be highlighting these inspiring objects on social media.
If you feel as if you're in a rut, I encourage you to re-imagine your space. I didn't spend a cent on this project, but I feel renewed and, honestly, more established in my writing. Even if it's a shelf in your bedroom, I ask you to re-imagine a space today. Shift some items around, purge what doesn't bring you joy, and bring to the space objects that feed you. I promise you'll feel renewed.
And a little cat-cow yoga wouldn't hurt either.
Saturday, July 27, 2019
Monday, July 22, 2019
Washington DC: The Capital of Words!
A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided to take a last-minute trip to Washington, DC.
Let me begin with a confession: I'm thirty-nine years old, and I had never been to Washington, DC.
It's a funny story, really.
When I was in middle school, I was invited to join the "Gifted and Talented" class at my public school. I threw a fit. I didn't find it at all fair that the kids who scored higher on one standardized test were given access to learning opportunities and information that the other students were not. I refused to be in the class, and I continued to refuse every year of middle school. Instead, I took the "Enrichment Period" each day, and in it we read books and took part in "enriching" activities (none of which I can recall). As a result, I never learned the history of the American presidents (until a road trip in college when my now husband, horrified that I didn't know that Pierce was a president, taught me to name them in order), and I didn't get to go on the Washington DC field trip.
Despite the fact that I ended up with a few holes in my education, I maintain my stance. I still find it markedly unfair that some students are given access to a more thorough education and more educational opportunities than others. Who knows which student sitting in my enrichment class would have been inspired to public service on that trip? Who knows which student, by learning about the presidents, would have been inspired to take on a leadership role as an adult? This inequitable access to education disturbs me to this day because it hasn't gotten any better, and we haven't demanded the change.
And so, when my husband and I decided to go on a last minute (and belated 15th anniversary) trip, we decided it was time to fill this gap in my experience and travel to DC. (I would also add that I had been to the country of Liechtenstein but not to my nation's capital, which I find hilarious.)
I have to tell you, DC exceeded my expectations. On our first evening, we walked the monuments, which were grander and more profound than I could have imagined. In particular, the FDR monument, with its words upon words, spoke directly to me and to my beliefs and longings for our nation. The Korean War monument took me aback; I don't know why this one doesn't get more attention. The emotion I felt as we approached was only enhanced by the detail on the soldiers' faces as we got closer. The Vietnam memorial was also more moving than I had expected--perhaps that is because there was an older man in a worn, brimmed hat and a vest covered with buttons standing still, staring at a particular name. As I walked past, he reached out and felt the letters with his fingers. I had to walk away; it was too much. And the Lincoln Memorial--this is one I've longed to see since I was a child. Standing behind the engraved spot where Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech as his voice echoed over the National Mall was a moment in my life that I will always hold dear. The power of words was everywhere, carved into every monument, a testament to the endurance of language.
We toured the Air and Space Museum, the American History Museum (where I saw the table on which Elizabeth Cady Stanton wrote the Declaration of Sentiments, the ink pots used by Lincoln to sign the Emancipation Proclamation, and Thomas Jefferson's desk upon which his wrote the Declaration of Independence, to name just a few!), the Natural History Museum (dinosaurs!), The National Archives, and the Capitol. We even got to sit in as the House of Representatives was in session.
But the highlight for me, to no one's surprise, was the Library of Congress. I'm not sure that even now, a month later, I have the words for what I saw and felt inside that building. I stood with Thomas Jefferson's library. I gazed into the breathtaking reading room. I read every Jefferson quote emblazoned on the arches and walls. I want to move into that building and live there forever. Surely friends will sneak in food and water for me. It was truly a shrine to knowledge and to reading and to words...it was my perfect place.
I cannot wait to return to Washington DC. The trip renewed my faith in democracy and in the positive power of government. My husband chased a congresswoman across the Capitol grounds for a picture, and she cheerfully obliged. Our intern tour guide at the Capitol told us how his job had shown him the good that happens in Washington, the collaboration we never see. The words that speak forth from every building tell of equality and justice. I could not help but be inspired to use my words to make those ideals a reality. Inspiring words are everywhere, carved into stone never to be scraped away. Let's keep those words at the forefront of all we do, and let's demand that those who represent us do as well.
Having recently returned from Europe, I'll be honest...I was spending a lot of time daydreaming about how much better it would be to live in one of the beautiful countries I visited. I needed this trip to remind me of the power of the American spirit and the pain, but also the enduring determination, of the American journey. The words I saw in DC matter. Nay, they're essential. They have made us "America". Let's listen to them, honor them, and ensure they endure.
Let me begin with a confession: I'm thirty-nine years old, and I had never been to Washington, DC.
It's a funny story, really.
When I was in middle school, I was invited to join the "Gifted and Talented" class at my public school. I threw a fit. I didn't find it at all fair that the kids who scored higher on one standardized test were given access to learning opportunities and information that the other students were not. I refused to be in the class, and I continued to refuse every year of middle school. Instead, I took the "Enrichment Period" each day, and in it we read books and took part in "enriching" activities (none of which I can recall). As a result, I never learned the history of the American presidents (until a road trip in college when my now husband, horrified that I didn't know that Pierce was a president, taught me to name them in order), and I didn't get to go on the Washington DC field trip.
Despite the fact that I ended up with a few holes in my education, I maintain my stance. I still find it markedly unfair that some students are given access to a more thorough education and more educational opportunities than others. Who knows which student sitting in my enrichment class would have been inspired to public service on that trip? Who knows which student, by learning about the presidents, would have been inspired to take on a leadership role as an adult? This inequitable access to education disturbs me to this day because it hasn't gotten any better, and we haven't demanded the change.
And so, when my husband and I decided to go on a last minute (and belated 15th anniversary) trip, we decided it was time to fill this gap in my experience and travel to DC. (I would also add that I had been to the country of Liechtenstein but not to my nation's capital, which I find hilarious.)
I have to tell you, DC exceeded my expectations. On our first evening, we walked the monuments, which were grander and more profound than I could have imagined. In particular, the FDR monument, with its words upon words, spoke directly to me and to my beliefs and longings for our nation. The Korean War monument took me aback; I don't know why this one doesn't get more attention. The emotion I felt as we approached was only enhanced by the detail on the soldiers' faces as we got closer. The Vietnam memorial was also more moving than I had expected--perhaps that is because there was an older man in a worn, brimmed hat and a vest covered with buttons standing still, staring at a particular name. As I walked past, he reached out and felt the letters with his fingers. I had to walk away; it was too much. And the Lincoln Memorial--this is one I've longed to see since I was a child. Standing behind the engraved spot where Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech as his voice echoed over the National Mall was a moment in my life that I will always hold dear. The power of words was everywhere, carved into every monument, a testament to the endurance of language.
We toured the Air and Space Museum, the American History Museum (where I saw the table on which Elizabeth Cady Stanton wrote the Declaration of Sentiments, the ink pots used by Lincoln to sign the Emancipation Proclamation, and Thomas Jefferson's desk upon which his wrote the Declaration of Independence, to name just a few!), the Natural History Museum (dinosaurs!), The National Archives, and the Capitol. We even got to sit in as the House of Representatives was in session.
But the highlight for me, to no one's surprise, was the Library of Congress. I'm not sure that even now, a month later, I have the words for what I saw and felt inside that building. I stood with Thomas Jefferson's library. I gazed into the breathtaking reading room. I read every Jefferson quote emblazoned on the arches and walls. I want to move into that building and live there forever. Surely friends will sneak in food and water for me. It was truly a shrine to knowledge and to reading and to words...it was my perfect place.
I cannot wait to return to Washington DC. The trip renewed my faith in democracy and in the positive power of government. My husband chased a congresswoman across the Capitol grounds for a picture, and she cheerfully obliged. Our intern tour guide at the Capitol told us how his job had shown him the good that happens in Washington, the collaboration we never see. The words that speak forth from every building tell of equality and justice. I could not help but be inspired to use my words to make those ideals a reality. Inspiring words are everywhere, carved into stone never to be scraped away. Let's keep those words at the forefront of all we do, and let's demand that those who represent us do as well.
Having recently returned from Europe, I'll be honest...I was spending a lot of time daydreaming about how much better it would be to live in one of the beautiful countries I visited. I needed this trip to remind me of the power of the American spirit and the pain, but also the enduring determination, of the American journey. The words I saw in DC matter. Nay, they're essential. They have made us "America". Let's listen to them, honor them, and ensure they endure.
Best of 2018
After a brief hiatus, this post, originally posted in December 2018, is back on the blog!
Greetings! Tonight is New Year's Eve, and I've been reflecting on the year, as I'm sure many of you have. To be honest, I often approach the new year with a bit of trepidation. It's a huge question mark. This year, however, I'm actually excited for all that the new year has in store. Sweet Divinity is set for publication in 2019. I'm working on establishing a name in freelance writing. I have tickets to see Fleetwood Mac and Elton John early in the year. I'm turning fabulous forty.
So much to look forward to!
But before I look too far ahead, I'm looking back. I've been excited to see that quite a few people I follow on social media have been sharing their "Best Of" lists, and so I thought I'd add mine to the mix.
I read fifty books this year, and I'd like to share my top ten with you. I enter my books on Goodreads immediately upon reading the final page. The following books received my highest ranking this year. You should know that I'm very picky with my five star ranking. These lucky books are listed beginning with the most recently read.
Blue Iris: Poems and Essays by Mary Oliver
Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman
Red Bird by Mary Oliver
Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah
The Origin of Others by Toni Morrison
The Marvels by Brian Selznick
We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Adichie
The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
Amazing Peace: A Christmas Poem by Maya Angelou
And this one received four stars but still makes the top ten:
Warlight by Michael Ondaatje
Please share the best book you read this year...I'll add it to my list for 2019!
I wish you all the best in the new year. May it be filled with passion, confidence, and joy.
Greetings! Tonight is New Year's Eve, and I've been reflecting on the year, as I'm sure many of you have. To be honest, I often approach the new year with a bit of trepidation. It's a huge question mark. This year, however, I'm actually excited for all that the new year has in store. Sweet Divinity is set for publication in 2019. I'm working on establishing a name in freelance writing. I have tickets to see Fleetwood Mac and Elton John early in the year. I'm turning fabulous forty.
So much to look forward to!
But before I look too far ahead, I'm looking back. I've been excited to see that quite a few people I follow on social media have been sharing their "Best Of" lists, and so I thought I'd add mine to the mix.
I read fifty books this year, and I'd like to share my top ten with you. I enter my books on Goodreads immediately upon reading the final page. The following books received my highest ranking this year. You should know that I'm very picky with my five star ranking. These lucky books are listed beginning with the most recently read.
Blue Iris: Poems and Essays by Mary Oliver
Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman
Red Bird by Mary Oliver
Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah
The Origin of Others by Toni Morrison
The Marvels by Brian Selznick
We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Adichie
The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
Amazing Peace: A Christmas Poem by Maya Angelou
And this one received four stars but still makes the top ten:
Warlight by Michael Ondaatje
Please share the best book you read this year...I'll add it to my list for 2019!
I wish you all the best in the new year. May it be filled with passion, confidence, and joy.
My Watch List
After a brief hiatus, this post, originally posted in December 2018, has returned to the blog!
Perhaps the question I'm most often asked by young people is, "What do you watch?" In the age of binge-watching and Netflix, this question seems to have taken over the classic, "What are you reading?". I read constantly, and right now I'm in the midst of a self-help frenzy; after all, I somehow timed my family so that I have a tween and a toddler in the house!
I do watch a few shows religiously. I'm not proud of all of them, but I'm not embarrassed either. What we watch says a lot about us; this I believe. And I give you the freedom to judge me based on my watch list.
Outlander: I've come late to the party on this one (much as I did with Downton Abbey and my all-time favorite show: Lost--not Penny's boat!); however, I have been fully immersed for the past few weeks catching up on this gem. I read the book about eight years ago as part of a book club, and I fully admit, I had dreaded reading it, thinking my high brow taste for classic literature would be offended. Wrong. I was captivated by the historic setting, the politics, the romance. And now the same can be said for the Starz adaptation. I love escaping into another world, another time. I love gazing upon the rich landscape, and I adore the characters. I'm certain that this show is going to break my heart every time I sit down to watch. I'm right.
Jane the Virgin: A friend recommended this show to me after I rolled my eyes at her insistence that it was great. The title didn't appeal to me in the least. Yet I soon realized that this show is everything I love in entertainment. The casting is spectacular. It has all the drama of a telenovela (and I'm a dramatic lady). The writing is absolutely fantastic. And best of all? The protagonist is a writer, struggling to publish and to make her way through this unpredictable profession. She's optimistic, romantic, and loving--and her father is one of my favorite characters ever! This show depicts familial love in such a beautiful way. My heart is happy every time I watch.
Star Trek: Beyond: I came to Trek through marriage, but I'm all in. As a child, I watched a little TNG and I saw Star Trek VI in theatres because Christian Slater was in it for two seconds. This iteration of Trek is compelling each and every week. The writing is tight and the filming is technically brilliant. It remembers that what so many of us love about Trek are the character dynamics. And man, does this show have some dynamic characters!
Will and Grace: Fabulous in the 90's and fabulous now.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise: I have watched every episode of this franchise, and I have no shame. I am absolutely a reality TV junkie. This series, in particular, feeds my love of romance and my desire to see "happily ever after". It doesn't matter to me if they end up actually getting married. I want to see people find love and happiness. And, full disclosure, I love the drama. And the dates. And world travel. And the clothes. And the beaches. And Ashley and Jared.
Dancing with the Stars: Every time I watch, I consider signing up for ballroom lessons, until I recognize, once again, that I am not at all coordinated. Though I do fantasize about becoming just famous enough to be asked on the show. I would happily don the costumes and make a fool of myself on national television, as long as Mark is my partner.
Queer Eye: Thank you, Netflix. I loved this show in its original iteration, but man, this new version is even better! Not only is the show uplifting, funny, and actually quite helpful (I can now identify a "french tuck"), but it's important and relevant. One of my favorite episodes features Karamo in a conversation about race and police brutality with a southern police officer. That's just one example of many times the show features dialogue amongst people who come from different backgrounds, belief systems, communities, and identity groups. This show is important. Required viewing.
That's about it. No crime dramas, medical dramas, weekly tear-jerkers, or I'm-So-Rich reality shows. That's fine for other people, but I like to want to jump into the shows I watch. I watch to experience a different life or a different world (you see what I did there? a great show from my childhood!). Any recommendations to augment my list?
Perhaps the question I'm most often asked by young people is, "What do you watch?" In the age of binge-watching and Netflix, this question seems to have taken over the classic, "What are you reading?". I read constantly, and right now I'm in the midst of a self-help frenzy; after all, I somehow timed my family so that I have a tween and a toddler in the house!
I do watch a few shows religiously. I'm not proud of all of them, but I'm not embarrassed either. What we watch says a lot about us; this I believe. And I give you the freedom to judge me based on my watch list.
Outlander: I've come late to the party on this one (much as I did with Downton Abbey and my all-time favorite show: Lost--not Penny's boat!); however, I have been fully immersed for the past few weeks catching up on this gem. I read the book about eight years ago as part of a book club, and I fully admit, I had dreaded reading it, thinking my high brow taste for classic literature would be offended. Wrong. I was captivated by the historic setting, the politics, the romance. And now the same can be said for the Starz adaptation. I love escaping into another world, another time. I love gazing upon the rich landscape, and I adore the characters. I'm certain that this show is going to break my heart every time I sit down to watch. I'm right.
Jane the Virgin: A friend recommended this show to me after I rolled my eyes at her insistence that it was great. The title didn't appeal to me in the least. Yet I soon realized that this show is everything I love in entertainment. The casting is spectacular. It has all the drama of a telenovela (and I'm a dramatic lady). The writing is absolutely fantastic. And best of all? The protagonist is a writer, struggling to publish and to make her way through this unpredictable profession. She's optimistic, romantic, and loving--and her father is one of my favorite characters ever! This show depicts familial love in such a beautiful way. My heart is happy every time I watch.
Star Trek: Beyond: I came to Trek through marriage, but I'm all in. As a child, I watched a little TNG and I saw Star Trek VI in theatres because Christian Slater was in it for two seconds. This iteration of Trek is compelling each and every week. The writing is tight and the filming is technically brilliant. It remembers that what so many of us love about Trek are the character dynamics. And man, does this show have some dynamic characters!
Will and Grace: Fabulous in the 90's and fabulous now.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise: I have watched every episode of this franchise, and I have no shame. I am absolutely a reality TV junkie. This series, in particular, feeds my love of romance and my desire to see "happily ever after". It doesn't matter to me if they end up actually getting married. I want to see people find love and happiness. And, full disclosure, I love the drama. And the dates. And world travel. And the clothes. And the beaches. And Ashley and Jared.
Dancing with the Stars: Every time I watch, I consider signing up for ballroom lessons, until I recognize, once again, that I am not at all coordinated. Though I do fantasize about becoming just famous enough to be asked on the show. I would happily don the costumes and make a fool of myself on national television, as long as Mark is my partner.
Queer Eye: Thank you, Netflix. I loved this show in its original iteration, but man, this new version is even better! Not only is the show uplifting, funny, and actually quite helpful (I can now identify a "french tuck"), but it's important and relevant. One of my favorite episodes features Karamo in a conversation about race and police brutality with a southern police officer. That's just one example of many times the show features dialogue amongst people who come from different backgrounds, belief systems, communities, and identity groups. This show is important. Required viewing.
That's about it. No crime dramas, medical dramas, weekly tear-jerkers, or I'm-So-Rich reality shows. That's fine for other people, but I like to want to jump into the shows I watch. I watch to experience a different life or a different world (you see what I did there? a great show from my childhood!). Any recommendations to augment my list?
Sunday, July 7, 2019
The Mat--My Happy Place
I posted a photo on Instagram yesterday captioned, "My Happy Place." I'm not sure that most people know that I practice yoga every single day...so there's a fun fact for you!
I attended my first yoga class during my senior year of high school. One of the women in my family and I had hit a rough patch, and so we went to yoga together to try to bring peace between us. I'll never forget walking in and seeing the instructor for the first time--he looked exactly as I'd imagined every yogi looking: tall and thin with a tie dyed t-shirt, baggy sweatpants, and long, wavy hair to his waist, tied back in a ponytail. He led us through our poses with his soothing voice and then guided us through final meditation (my seventeen-year old self didn't quite have the maturity for that part yet--at least not as he led us). Yoga didn't "take", we'll say. I went to a few classes, but I couldn't commit.
Fast forward ten years, and I found myself back in class. As I've written, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I know it and I claim it, and I decided yoga might be helpful. Thus, I began taking a restorative yoga class on Sunday afternoons at the local gym. The teacher, Nicole, was just right for this class. Her voice was beautiful and sing-songy, and when she chanted--ah!!! We used our bolsters and blocks to relax into poses, and during final meditation, Nicole would cover us with blankets and put eye pillows filled with lavender over our eyes. At least once a month I would fall asleep during meditation. It was heavenly--perfect if you're in need of self-care.
I also took hatha yoga and power yoga classes, though inconsistently. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and yoga was over (let the record show that I did purchase a "Prenatal Yoga" video, which I completed a couple of times, but I'm being real--I was a pretty huge and immobile pregnant woman early on).
I returned to yoga a few years later, when I was in the deepest place of anxiety I had ever been. Both my pastor and my doctor recommended yoga and meditation in addition to medication and therapy, and I was excited at the prospect: I had deeply missed my time on the mat.
So now I practice yoga every morning, first thing (unless I've done something silly like over-snoozed, in which case I practice before bed that night). It begins my day perfectly. My favorite spot to unroll the mat is in our library, facing the open windows at the front of the house. Our yard is beautiful and green, and in the fall we have the most beautiful tree in the South. This view connects me with nature, with my breath, with God, with the earth. It grounds me. Yoga reminds me to appreciate my body, my heart, my mind, and my strength. In fact, most often my mantra is, "I am strong."
Centering myself at the beginning of the day clears my mind, refocuses me on gratitude, and helps me begin with a fresh, anxiety-free slate. On particularly difficult days, I'll add in a ten minute meditation at the end of my practice.
Now you may be asking, "What does this have to do with words?" Everything. The words in yoga are breathtaking. From "ujjayi" and "chaturanga" to "savasana" and "namaste", the words flow beautifully, guide the breath, and fill me up.
No matter if it's at a yoga studio where everyone's ujjayi breaths sound like Darth Vader descending into the room or if it's at the gym with blankets and eye pillows, I hope you'll give it a try. Remember that yoga is a practice; no one expects you to hit and hold the poses perfectly. As with most things in life, we are continuously practicing.
If you'd like to get a start at home because you cannot imagine trying to get yourself into downward facing dog in front of strangers, I recommend the YouTube channel "Yoga with Adriene". She has videos on all of the foundational poses of yoga, and her "30 Days of Yoga" challenge is a great direction from there. Plus, her catchphrase is "Find What Feels Good", so you know you're with a chill yogi.
For an introduction to meditation, search for guided meditations by Deepak Chopra on YouTube. I found him through Oprah, so there's an endorsement for ya!
I attended my first yoga class during my senior year of high school. One of the women in my family and I had hit a rough patch, and so we went to yoga together to try to bring peace between us. I'll never forget walking in and seeing the instructor for the first time--he looked exactly as I'd imagined every yogi looking: tall and thin with a tie dyed t-shirt, baggy sweatpants, and long, wavy hair to his waist, tied back in a ponytail. He led us through our poses with his soothing voice and then guided us through final meditation (my seventeen-year old self didn't quite have the maturity for that part yet--at least not as he led us). Yoga didn't "take", we'll say. I went to a few classes, but I couldn't commit.
Fast forward ten years, and I found myself back in class. As I've written, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I know it and I claim it, and I decided yoga might be helpful. Thus, I began taking a restorative yoga class on Sunday afternoons at the local gym. The teacher, Nicole, was just right for this class. Her voice was beautiful and sing-songy, and when she chanted--ah!!! We used our bolsters and blocks to relax into poses, and during final meditation, Nicole would cover us with blankets and put eye pillows filled with lavender over our eyes. At least once a month I would fall asleep during meditation. It was heavenly--perfect if you're in need of self-care.
I also took hatha yoga and power yoga classes, though inconsistently. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and yoga was over (let the record show that I did purchase a "Prenatal Yoga" video, which I completed a couple of times, but I'm being real--I was a pretty huge and immobile pregnant woman early on).
I returned to yoga a few years later, when I was in the deepest place of anxiety I had ever been. Both my pastor and my doctor recommended yoga and meditation in addition to medication and therapy, and I was excited at the prospect: I had deeply missed my time on the mat.
So now I practice yoga every morning, first thing (unless I've done something silly like over-snoozed, in which case I practice before bed that night). It begins my day perfectly. My favorite spot to unroll the mat is in our library, facing the open windows at the front of the house. Our yard is beautiful and green, and in the fall we have the most beautiful tree in the South. This view connects me with nature, with my breath, with God, with the earth. It grounds me. Yoga reminds me to appreciate my body, my heart, my mind, and my strength. In fact, most often my mantra is, "I am strong."
Centering myself at the beginning of the day clears my mind, refocuses me on gratitude, and helps me begin with a fresh, anxiety-free slate. On particularly difficult days, I'll add in a ten minute meditation at the end of my practice.
Now you may be asking, "What does this have to do with words?" Everything. The words in yoga are breathtaking. From "ujjayi" and "chaturanga" to "savasana" and "namaste", the words flow beautifully, guide the breath, and fill me up.
No matter if it's at a yoga studio where everyone's ujjayi breaths sound like Darth Vader descending into the room or if it's at the gym with blankets and eye pillows, I hope you'll give it a try. Remember that yoga is a practice; no one expects you to hit and hold the poses perfectly. As with most things in life, we are continuously practicing.
If you'd like to get a start at home because you cannot imagine trying to get yourself into downward facing dog in front of strangers, I recommend the YouTube channel "Yoga with Adriene". She has videos on all of the foundational poses of yoga, and her "30 Days of Yoga" challenge is a great direction from there. Plus, her catchphrase is "Find What Feels Good", so you know you're with a chill yogi.
For an introduction to meditation, search for guided meditations by Deepak Chopra on YouTube. I found him through Oprah, so there's an endorsement for ya!
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