Where I've Been

 Hey friends,

Before I dive into my list of the best of 2020, I want to take a minute to say thank you.  Thanks for sticking with me through 2020.

When the pandemic began, and we all went home, I thought my introverted nature would not only be fine with the isolation, but thrive in it.  And for a while, I did.  I started "Time for Tea", which reminded me how much I love teaching and analyzing literature.  I was working from home, so much of the social anxiety I feel every day when I walk into work was gone-poof!  And I started reading--a lot.  I was keeping in touch with friends, having socially distanced driveway chats, and going hiking on the weekends with my family.

But sometime in the summer, something shifted.  I was exhausted.  I found myself sitting in Zoom meetings from the comfort of my bed (with a virtual background hiding my room) because I would fall asleep during my lunch break immediately after tapping "Leave Meeting".  I was always sleepy, and I had no energy.  In the spring, I was doing cardio dance classes online, taking time for daily yoga, and then, once we got our dog, walking her three times a day, sometimes jogging beside her.  Now I couldn't bring myself to get through an entire yoga flow series.

Then I started getting shortness of breath and chest pains.  If you're a reader of my blog, you know that I have sad lungs and have had pneumonia twice, so I freaked out.  I was convinced I had COVID.  I got a test, and it was negative.  

At this point, I was feeling depressed and anxious.  I was incredibly down, more than I have been in years.  I started shutting down.  I stopped Time for Tea abruptly, because it was giving me such anxiety to be responsible to others; I started avoiding friends' calls and texts, because I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone.  I have been on antidepressants and antianxiety meds off and on since college, so I messaged my doctor to raise my dose until I could work through this.  I called my counselor and started working with her again.  But I wasn't feeling any better, physically or emotionally. 

So I called my doctor again.

On our virtual call, she looked me in the eyes and said, "You just had a hemoglobin test at the OBGYN a few weeks ago--did they not tell you that you're incredibly anemic?"

Anemic.  Why no--no one had mentioned that.  The tech who pricked my finger asked if my hemoglobin was always this low, and I told her that they always had to prick my finger twice when I donated blood, so it was often borderline.  She raised an eyebrow.  The doctor didn't mention it in our appointment.

My doctor said, "Megan, it looks like your iron levels have been going steadily down for three years."

Turns out, I was exhibiting many, many symptoms of anemia--including emotional symptoms.

I've been on iron pills for months, and I'm feeling so much better.  I did take it upon myself to decide I needed to eat more iron, so I stuffed myself with iron-fortified cereals and insisted I get a filet take out from a nearby steakhouse more often than I care to admit.  For the record--this is absolutely NOT the way to go about this.  You end up with more than the COVID 15 and your doctor reprimands you at your follow-up appointment. You've been warned.

Anyway, thank you.  Thank you for sticking through ti with me when I completely pulled back from everything.  You guys are awesome.  I am so in awe at the fortune of being able to share words with others.

Also, if you're someone who deals with anxiety and/or depression, I got you.  Let's make 2021 a healthy year.  And please, wear a mask for my sad lungs.